BP chief executive Tony Hayward was spotted Saturday urinating in a public restroom where, after the customary two shakes, he spent the time to shake his penis a full third time – all the while oil continues to poor from the Deepwater Horizon well.
Hayward had already angered many hillbilly Americans by sighting facts about their ravenously litigious nature, and how it would likely create numerous bogus claims for compensation for the oil spill. He also caused numerous Louisianans to spontaneously soil themselves after claiming that out of all the people in the world, he himself wanted to see the crisis resolved the most because, “I’d like my [fancy] life back.”
Burt Whitney, a retired shrimp fisherman from Biolabatry, LA, said Hayward’s indulgent post-urination activities show once again how out-of-touch, in comparison, he is with the financial and emotional suffering along the gulf.
“He wanted to get his life back,” Burt said. “I guess he got it.”
Even though Burt no longer runs a shrimp boat, and lives nowhere near the beach, he does plan to sue BP for the irreparable damage to his old-man nostalgia.
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Raging Kitty