Noisy Dove’s Stance & Position On Key Issues

Abortion: Yes, should be legal, but you have to give your uterus up to someone who will appreciate it.

Gay Marriage: Yes, gay marriages are rare but are a nice sight to see. Their children usually seem mentally healthy too, which is also rare and virtually non-existent in unhappy marriages.

Iraq War: Don’t act pompous! Everyone supported the war initially and thought there were WMDs. Later, after the insurgency took hold around Rummy’s too-small troop numbers, the Leftist media vilified the war to harm Bush politically, to the point of claiming it lost. Your grand children will be astonished that some Americans were so stupid and selfish as to not support the liberation of Iraq.

Healthcare Reform: Yes, I think our healthcare system has need for reform and could use a variety of improvements. I think this issue should be brought up and discussed soon. However, I fear no attention will be paid to this issue since the passing of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act.

Amnesty: Sure, come on everybody, there’s al kinds of room, pile in. If you plan to work, cool. If not, if you’re just going to subsist on all our entitlements though, you should be required to kill one American who is currently subsisting on entitlements so you’ll have a spot, preferably an old person or someone cheating the system who sells drug under the table.

Border Security: I think the guys who develop those reality game shows should decide what to do with illegals and how to keep them out. We’d give them a quota for people they could let through and not apply normal human rights laws. Just think – that would be some great TV!

Gun Ownership: No, people shouldn’t be allowed to own guns. We should also encourage criminals to give up their guns. Of course, we can’t expect criminals to give up their guns unless we start reducing the number of guns police carry.