Recently, while attending in the lab, I received a call from my close friend Noisy Dove who was on vacation in the wild west of Utah. He posed an interesting question to me, looking for the expertise of a Doctor to satisfy his inquiry. His question was this…
“Is it really necessary to build a nest before using a public restroom? It has always been my understanding that ass-itch and dick-rot are illnesses commonly caught from toilet seats. If so, could you recommend an effective nest building technique? I favor the quick twin-rail approach with a safety sheet over the front of the bowl to keep from accidentally touching my wank on anything. I’ve seen some pretty impressive nests constructed by making numerous loose roles of tissue and lining them up. And I’ve pondered just lifting the seat up and wrapping it thoroughly before taking a seat.
Oh, and what about those specially made seat covers in the dispenser? Will those substitute for a nest? There is a little trick to using those without tearing them in half AND having an opening through which to drop your shit through – but hell if I know what that trick is.
My other idea is to get one of those little cans of Lysol and just blast the whole thing down then dab it off.“
So first, let’s clear up a couple of facts. Ass-itch is rarely associated with public toilet seat use. There are numerous contagious rashes one could presumably catch ass-to-ass via a toilet seat, but most of these conditions are more likely to be transferred via the hand to the ass. Other causes of ass-itch are heat induced rashes and of course not properly cleaning the ass after defecation. Dick-rot will not likely be transferred via a toilet seat. This condition is almost always associated with poor hygiene – neglecting the shower and not changing underwear. Look it up.
More common dangers involving the public toilet seat are diseases in the urine and feces that inconsiderate low-lives leave on the seat. Most of these will not infect a person through the ass skin, but could be transferred other ways. Say you sit on a seat with Hepatitis piss on it. Then later you scratch your ass. Then later still you use that same hand without washing it to free a popcorn cornel from the back of your thought. You might catch Hepatitis this way. So certainly, if you reduce your ass’s contact with the toilet seat it will reduce the chance of catching disease – and so will thoroughly washing your hands often.
As for a technique, I would start before you even enter the john. I always try to kick my way to the toilet
without touching anything. I then poke the toilet paper role with my pinky until I can grab a nice long piece – discarding the first foot immediately. I can then use that tissue to touch everything else – starting with the stall door and a preliminary sanitary flush or two.
The actual nesting technique I use is often more dependent on quickness rather than cleanliness – so I also usually use the twine rail method with safety sheet. But if I’m not is a hurry, or suspect I may be seated for a duration of time, I’ll certainly spend some extra time laying down a more thorough layering all around.
The Lysol idea is a good one. I might use that as well. It’s similar to another measure I often take. If I have a bottle of water with me, I’ll often give the seat a quick rinse and dry it with tissue.
In severe cases I’ve actually used toilet water to rinse off the seat by dipping a wad of tissue. When the seat is really bad – a rinse with well flushed toilet water is an improvement.
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Raging Kitty