Immigration Reform – Done.

Samad: Hello Noisy Dove. I want let you know I hear Obama make immigration reform and I be American soon. You have advice for me? I worry much for the process, but anything better than humping bags of rice up and down these slippery God-forsaken roads for barely pay enough for one miserable bowl of rice a day for myself.

Hey Samad. Hows that infected ass wound doing? Anyway, I look forward to seeing you in America. Just be careful. The process is a little dangerous – but lol – not as dangerous as your old job.

Let’s outline the process just to avoid confusion.

1. Get arrested by American troops for terrorism.
2. Take advantage of your free high-class legal council provided my America.
3. Get acquitted in NY.
4. Get released in NY with a tidy US government stipened.

Ok, now steps 2, 3, and 4 are automatic assuming you manage to pull off step 1 properly. The key is to do something belligerent enough to rattle the American troops into arresting you without shooting you. This will take some creativity. Stealing something won’t work. Another idea would be to have someone tip-off the troops that you’re a terrorist and have some cell phone part in your bag.

Once you get your lawyer you can then explain how you stole a phone and took it apart because you couldn’t get it to work, and how you were swearing at the soldiers because you had them confused with some other soldiers who threw bottles of piss at you as they drove by.

Samad: Oh good. I had some confusion about step 1. And thank you for asking. My ass has healed well. That learns me to no more walk in front of my goat near air field.

I have question: How bad the soldiers beat me and how long probably they keep and torture me before trial? I worry for that. Last time I taken by police here they beat me good. Weeks later, after many interrogations, they let me out at night and I know not where I was. Also, even now if I smell gasoline I vomit uncontrollably and if I see duct-tape I salivate profusely – not to mention my height is now two solid inches less for some reason.

I no want sound like stupid girl, but longer torture than 2 week give me worry. I know, I know, after working as tie-down for uncle who own truck, few things give worry, but at least falling of truck at high speed offer fast death.

Oh Samad – where do you get these ideas? Hell, some of our most elite, highly trained, and honorable soldiers – Navy SEALs – are currently being prosecuted for supposedly giving that jerk who burned those contractors in Fallujah a bloody lip.

Once you’re captured they won’t harm you. They’ll take good care of you and have a doctor treat that ass wound.

Samad:But Noisy Dove, what stop terrorist from bogging down legal system with false accusation? That so silly. America so silly some time. How you can make super soldier who kill enemy at night no warning in enemy land then make him be nice to enemy in daytime? Maybe you need robot for soldier?

Indeed Samad – excellent points. I wish I could say it’s all due to America’s strong belief in justice and honor – but crap like this has more to do with political correctness and self righteousness.